Do you have something to say? She asked!
As I tried to swallow, the words got stuck in my throat as tears flowed from my eyes. I just kept quiet and stared after him, trembling.
As I took a step, it was getting farther from my eyes and from my heart!
While the longest time of my life was flowing silently, I slowly leaned against the wall. My knees buckled and I couldn't stand up. I felt a warmth rising up my chest. I drop myself to the ground and cry like I'm drowning in sobs. My trembling slowly wears off and is replaced by relaxation. As I cry, I feel my throat tightening and my heart tightening feel relieved.
Do not go! I wanted to say it, but my pride got in the way. I wanted to shout I love you, but my impenetrable pride got in the way.
Now I'm ready to beg but he's gone! The pride that had just controlled all my limbs disappeared from my body until it reappeared.
Now I have the strength to stand up. I have to go home, I said to myself in a low voice.
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I bought a bottle of raki and some white cheese from Rıfat Efendi, the grocer on the way home. I will reveal my pride and drink it until I beat it.
My eyes will smoke, my tongue will be scarlet, but I will continue to drink. Tonight "either me or my pride" one of us will lose. Not one of us will see the sunrise in the morning. I am determined, this will end one way or another!
First I unlocked the garden gate, which was attached with a chain. Then I put what I bought on the table and unlocked the door of the house. It's dark, quiet and mournful inside!
I took some ice and two glasses and left. I sat at the table in the garden. Some raki, some water! The mix was complete, "lion's milk" is on my table.
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Come out! Let's have two glasses. Is it what I said or what you said?
I drank breathlessly until the glass was halfway down. I ate a slice of feta cheese, then drank what was left in the glass.
I drank his too! It's still not there, but it will come anyway. I'll fill it up again when it comes, this is 70, it doesn't end right away.
The bitter taste in my mouth disappeared, my tongue went numb.
It's time for my brain, last for my heart!
Someone's going to die tonight! There will be a terrible fight!
Someone will get angry, shout! He will scold anyone who comes his way!
The other one will slam the door!
My self will be split in two, half will be my pride, half will be what I can't say go.
Fill, fill! Fill the glasses again.
My heart will die. Go will see what it is. You made me a murderer too, what can I tell you!
First one, then the other! Glasses are empty again!
It would be nice if someone could make a cup of coffee though!
The bottom of the bottle has been seen, but it's still missing. My pride that rises when you come, disappears when you leave. Just like you; there is one, there is not one.
Whore, did you run away from my pride? Not sure if you ran away with my pride! I don't want you, I don't want him either.
You're dead too, he's dead too!