Sometime ago, I met this tall handsome young man. We started talking as we were both single and you know ready to mingle, well, so I thought. He had this interesting personality that just made him easy to like, he was my type of guy and trust me I was already dying to get to know him better and with time get close to him. We talked day and night via text, voice chat and video chat, it was an amazing phase I must say. You know how exciting it is when you meet someone new, especially when you are interested them...the curiosity. That was it for me at the time, we were practically all over each other with a high level of communication.
We finally went on a date, that was almost perfect...if not that I had to keep my cool and act like a "lady" lol. With time I became comfortable around him and things began to flow more naturally. We teased each other, firted with each other...we basically enjoyed each other's company. After spending so much time with him, feelings began to develop, things just went on smoothly. Then he texted me one day that there was something he needed to tell me...is he finally going to ask me to be his girlfriend, I thought to myself. I smiled and blushed as I tried imagining what magic to expect.
We got together, had a a couple of drinks then the night started....
"You may not speak to me again if I tell you this", he said...looking disturbed and uncomfortable.
I held his hands like the good lady I am who already had feelings for him, told him he can tell me anything, maybe I shouldn't have said that.
"Bliss, you are an amazing woman and I like you a lot", he started saying.
"Here we go", my thoughts began to run wild, while my heart raced faster. I was almost going to say yes before he even finished his sentence...I almost shook my head in affirmation bidding him to continue as I blushed.
"Actually, I haven't gotten over my ex...I still love her and I think I want her back", he said.
"What heck did I just hear? What is that supposed to mean?", I thought for a sec.
"Wait", I managed to say..."You told me she cheated on you?", I asked.
"Yes, she did but she said it was a mistake and I believe her. She is a good lady, she has always been there for me, even through my darkest times...she just made a little mistake", he said with so much seriousness.
Still wasn't getting the message nor was I ready to let go, I pushed further.
"Listen, you have to move on...there are good people out there willing to ride or die with you. You need to move on, you deserve better", saying these words hurt so much like I was pushing a knife into my own skin, as I continued.."Besides, she left already", I said hoping he would come back to his senses.
"Actually she came back...she wants to get back together", at this point my heart sunk.
"So, you are going to take her back", I asked him trying to fight back the anger that was welling up inside of me.
"She is really not a bad person, she just lost the way. I don't think I can do without her, she was the one who pulled me out of the darkness I was in years ago. I need her Bliss", he said this time with a teary eyes.
I felt a sharp pain in my heart as I watched him defend her despite all she did to him...she hurt him, how could he forgive her. Different thoughts in my head, I wish he could be this way with me...I mean you could see how much he loves and wants her back, I felt it.
"But you know I like you a lot", I finally let out. "Why do you have to do this? I can be that woman for you....she isn't the only woman out there. We were doing great, the times we spent together meant a lot to me. Don't you even have any feelings for me? Didn't you even like me at all?", I asked curious for answers.
"You are a sweet lady, you are beautiful and amazing", he said....meanwhile, I wanted to scream shut your hole up and just tell me what I want to hear.
He stood up this time and continued", I thought I'd be able to move on, but I'm sorry I can't do it. I would still like us to be friends though", that was when I realised I had been fooling myself all this while.
My heart really wanted to scream, my brain began to calculate, my lips refused to part ways for words to come, all that was in my head was..."Bliss you are such a fool".
Maybe he was right to want to give her another chance...maybe he was right to cling onto a thread of hope and trust that she has changed. Honestly, I couldn't even get pissed at him, as I felt pity instead....not like he actually came out to say "I like you Bliss", so it was my fault.
No it was his fault, he knew he wasn't over his ex and he led me on. Yes, that was it...he practically led me on. I mean, why would he call me everyday, and even at before I sleep at night. Why should he care if I'm okay or not? Why did he ask me out to dinner, buy me gifts and got me my favourite snacks...why?
How would I have known? Should I have asked him to define what we have? That is, If we even had anything. How would I have stopped my feelings when he kept being so nice, open and giving me the vibes that he was interested? How could I have known?
What are the green light that says go ahead?
How do you know your feelings are not being used?
Honestly, you can't know this things for sure.
If you are not ready to move on or have not healed from a past relationship, take your time to heal. Hurting other people's feelings when you are not ready for one doesn't make you different from that ex of yours. Allow yourself the space, be honest about your feelings to the other person, if you feel that's the only way...give them the liberty to either stay or leave.
"I am @bliss11, a fun writer, a vlogger and a positive thinker. I love to explore different possibilities and I believe dreams are achievable".
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