I feel like I can't do it. I feel like it's hard to be like them.

It's been week since my last anxiety. Over the years I didn't experience those kind of anxiety until I gave birth to my son last 2018 and decided to be stay at home mom. I know this kind of feelings were valid as we have what we called post partum depression. It is not easy I admit. There are times that I can't understand myself but there are also times that I know what I feel that way. Almost four years of fighting on my anxiety but I'm still alive and kicking. Thank you Lord for the strength and love that you have always given me in times that I need you the most.

It was just this morning when I felt like I am having a breakdown again.

One of the factors why I am having an anxiety is the crypto market. Seeing a down trend makes me overthink because of the assets on my wallet that I can't able to convert because of paper loss. I told myself okay it fine. I just forget about it until the bull market comes.

Aside from engagement on Blockchain platforms I want to pursue freelancing. I am saving money to buy a new desktop with high specs because my laptop is kinda low end and it will not meet the criteria of the clients requirements when I decided to start applying.

I have an experience in BPO industry as a Data Lift Auditor or Quality Assurance. I thought when my experience would be a plus factor to my resume but I guess it's not.

This is the reason why I am having an anxiety earlier...

Freelancing is like a new industry and I need to start from zero. I started watching different YouTube videos about freelancing and how to become a virtual assistant. I even attended free webinars so that while I am saving for my new desktop I am also gaining some knowledge with the path that I want to take.

But there are times that I feel demotivated and doubt myself if I can..

I am not really good in English. If you can see my works here there's a lot of grammatical errors but I keep on learning and there's no doubt about that. Sometimes I doubt myself upon seeing unfamiliar task that I need to learn if I want to be a VA. Thinking about them makes me head aches because I don't have an idea how to start and what's the first thing to do.

I browse my Facebook account and I saw a website of my friend on Facebook that is now a Real Estate VA. I opened it and I was amazed on how she made the design and the construction of her words and sentences that is really attracting to client.

And that moment I feel like I am having a breakdown because I was belittling myself. I feel like I can't do it. I feel like it's hard to be like them. All my motivation last month just fade away and it changed by demotivation.

But despite of all of my doubt and worries on my skills I still keep looking forward because I have a dream and I will my dream and my family as an inspiration to become better and better. I know it will be hard but like what others mommy said who wants to be a freelancer there's a perfect timing for everything and I know God will give you a client in His own perfect time.

I ended up writing this one just to ease the heaviness that I am feeling now. Thank you for reading.