Walking down memory lane - Imaginary "Wednesday Walk" in Kharkiv, Ukraine

I have forgotten many things in life including my childhood memories, I don't know why but I keep forgetting almost everything. For example, in the morning I was trying to find my eyeglasses and I didn't find it. Even I kept searching at the place where I thought I kept the glass but later after 10 hours, I found the glass on the chair. This is just an example, many small things are happening to me lately. I guess I am getting old or I am not focused. I keep forgetting things, it seems like my memory is being erased. I can't remember the phone number or the names of many people, which embarrassed me in different circumstances.

The work I do is boring and stressful. Every day some incidents happen and make me sick. I feel disgusted but thinking about some terms and conditions, I am silently doing my work until my probation period ends. Today my dearest naughty girl destroyed everything in the room. She was bored so she chewed whatever she got in front of her and then she ate tomato sauce on my bed which left a large stain on the bed. After returning home from work, and witnessing Gigi's naughtiness, I didn't know what to do. Finally, I have finished everything and decided to write this post.

There is a huge difference between living at the home and living in a temporary place. Nothing can be compared to the home because home is home. Home means safety comfort and stability. And in temporary shelter, I always have to be prepared to move to another place. I can't unpack anything properly, I can't buy anything extra and there is no privacy and comfort in the temporary shelter. My refugee situation sometimes reminds me of how helpless I am, I cannot rent an apartment and I don't have a home. I have to accept what I am being offered.

Every morning and night I think that I wish I could go to my home and sleep on my bed. I stopped reading the news about Ukraine because it gives me stress. Most people nowadays think that I am doing great because I have a job and I moved to a nice country. I stopped explaining to people my condition. Even I stopped unnecessary interaction with the people. People will never understand my psychology and what I am going through. I have said before money, job is not everything in life, I have lost 6 years of my life. I have lost precious time of my life which will never come back. This is the 3rd time I am struggling in life, and the challenges are getting more intense each time.

Today is Wednesday so I decided to give you a short tour of my last summer in Kharkiv, Ukraine. Lavender blooms mostly in July and stays only for a month. I was lucky to experience the beauty of thousands of lavender. This is one of the moments in life which I will adore always...

Summer cottages near the river or the lake are always my favorite place for relaxation. Baden Baden was such a place that offered me a calm and comfortable time in life. In the Netherlands, there are a lot of locations like Baden Baden but the time I have spent near Lozovenka River can never be compared with other locations.

A similar story I can say about Costa Brava, a resort that was located near Donets river. I have enjoyed the best sunset in life there.

It took me 6 years to sit down like this near the river, the beginning journey in Ukraine was never been easy for me, it was hard. But I was able to adjust there, built my life, and now here I am, ended up with nothing...

Another moment in one of the villages in Kharkiv...

I am not trying to seek any kind of attention nor I am trying to gather some sympathy by this post. I don't want anything from anybody.

As I have said, nothing in this world can't give me peace or calm me down until I myself calm down. I don't compare my life with others because I know many people are in worst situations than me.

I have a bad habit, I keep holding my feelings inside me.

Thanks for reading my blog, see you around...