I was not so sure whether I will write such kind of post or not but finally decided to write something about my emotions. Since yesterday night, I am feeling very sick because of the temperature. My sinusitis problem increased again and I am suffering a lot. At night, I couldn't even sleep properly and can't relax anymore. Sickness sucks and when you are sick, you don't feel like doing, eating anything in fact you will be messed up your entire day because of overthinking.
I have a very bad habit and that is overthinking. No matter how much I try, I can't stop overthinking and taking stress. It's my childhood problem and the entire situation causes me low blood pressure too. I have tried a lot of things to overcome this overthinking issue but somehow every day is not the same as expected. Some life situations force me to think and to find a solution as well.
I guess the most common stress among humans is money crisis and responsibilities. Who doesn't face a financial crisis right? Everybody faces more or less. Another fact I wanna mention that when you are having a financial crisis if you ask for help or support from your closest one, they will deny you indirectly. I hate asking for help when it comes to deal with a financial crisis. I better prefer eating less but I won't ask for money to anyone.
I am a little bit stable now more than before as I have done some savings for the future. Also, I am hoping the projects I have completed so far will provide some financial help as well. The world economic system is broken and everybody wants an employee who won't ask for salary now or less salary. Some projects payment is still pending and every week I write to them as well. If you don't pay me timely, I won't complete the work too, I have learned this professional dealing when I was working in a consultancy firm.
Yes, recently I sold some hive to pay my bills and grocery. Honestly speaking I sell hive when I need or when I have to fulfill my necessity instead of asking for money from Dad. Better I use my own asset rather than hearing a large lecture from family.
I remember the first time when I came here to Ukraine, I had to deal with the money crisis too. That crisis happened because of my agent and his fraudulent activities. I can't forget that moment how I was going through such mental pressure. But that pressure taught me to become mature, keep patience, and think calmly. Now, you must be thinking about how I have dealt with that situation, hmm some project works and crypto saved me that time. Truth is nobody helped me at that time when I needed even my family was helpless too...
But everything sorted out later...
My entire life is a learning curve and I learned from my life... In the end, I am a lone wolf...
Love
Priyan
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Personally, I appreciate these introspective and intimate posts, it is because in my case, they help me to be part of the old therapy exercises in which I give forms and words to my emotions and that makes it easier for me to face them and get to solve them.
Certainly I share what you tell of the complicated and in some cases disastrous economic situation that the pandemic has brought us, which worries me, because I believe that we are just at the beginning of the era of global economic problems, the effects of this pandemic seem to be going to have several years of duration in our world economic reality.
I read what you tell of your experiences that led you to grow up and I pay my respects for coping with the bad that happened and managing to learn, after all, I have two adages at hand, one that said 'what does not kill you, strengthens you' and another that said 'to live is to constantly learn'
As for being a lone wolf ... well, I think there are quite a few people who feel that way, that includes me, but in part, beyond the obligatory human social relationship, unfortunately fraught with intrigue and hypocrisy, we are all alone with our conscience, our memory, and our wishes and dreams. Perhaps this is why I believe the adage that 'there is no judge more fearsome than our own conscience' is true, we can deceive others and try to deceive ourselves, but if our conscience works in a humanly normal way, then always we will be under our own fearful scrutiny.
You are very strong woman .I know a lot people ,who started education in Ukraine and they always asked money from family . You doing everything alone . Its hard way, and I respect you for that 🌷P.s. Get well soon
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Asking for help from family, especially when you are not following their dream is difficult and I would rather eat less too.
There is something so rewarding about doing it yourself.