A Letter to my Friend who is still in Kharkiv, Ukraine

I started my morning with a lot of cigarettes and caffeine knowing that it's not good for my health. I felt like I was drowning in the middle of the dark sea and all I was feeling was darkness. Dark, deep emotions are growing inside me every day and gradually it is getting bigger and bigger. I was feeling heavy, emotional, and demotivated because still some things I can't forget. 6 years ago when I left my homeland, I used to feel devastated because of my cruel decision to leave my family and friends behind but in time I was able to move on forward-thinking that I will do something for myself. I left my childhood friend and best friend behind and I used to feel so alone in Ukraine when I migrated. But this time, I am carrying so much inside me including my past hurt feelings, and every day somehow they find a way to give me pain.

Many of you might know about @beretha, you guys might have seen her in many of my videos. Her story and my story are kinda similar, our life stories and way of seeing life are similar though we both are from different countries. She is from Iran. We both came to Ukraine at almost a parallel time, she had arrived before me though. I met her in Kharkiv, Ukraine, at university for the first time. I don't know about her feelings but I never thought we would become close friends and will stick together with each other. I first saw her in Corporate Management class and we first talked during break time in our class. I clearly remembered it was a spring morning, we get to know each other and slowly we became friends...

I had other friends also in the class but with her, I was comfortable more. We used to go outside for shopping, parties and also for photoshoots. We had many common things to talk about. I remember when I was having a hard time in 2018-2019, she was the one who mentally supported me. She is a very strong person, I mean mentally strong, not like me who is emotional and easily starts crying. I sometimes call myself a cry baby but, she is different. Her English was not good at that time and I didn't know her language and our Russian was a disaster. But somehow we managed to communicate and became friends in time.

She supported me a lot, we had a great bonding and we used to support each other.

I remembered, on 24th February, when the first explosion happened, the first thing I did was to call her and asked her about the situation. She was scared but she was telling me everything will be okay. I knew she was scared and her voice was shaky and full of concern but she didn't express that in front of me. Instead, she was trying to keep me calm because I was crying and scared.

We used to talk over the phone every day during wartime and used to do video calls as well. When the whole of Ukraine was shaky and people panicked, she was calm. When many people decided to leave home, she decided to stay. When I asked her the reason, she said where to go, it's not safe outside. She was right but I still don't understand why she decided to stay in Kharkiv.

After coming to Netherland, I talked to her a few times. I miss her and she always asks me whether I wanna come back or not. She doesn't post on Hive regularly but a few days ago she posted and it broke my heart. You can read her post here.

After reading her post, I cried, I don't know why but I just cried. As a friend, I can't do much for her but I always text her to get her update. I told her several times if she need anything but she always says, "I am Good". I cried because 6 years ago I left my best friend in Bangladesh, somehow I have found my best friend in Beretha. I know it's the digital era and I can talk to my friends anytime but talking over the phone is not enough for me. I feel alone, I feel like I have lost everything.

I am very cosey when it comes to friendship, I don't make many friends but when I do, they are special. Beretha is one of them and to be honest, every day I feel concerned about her. She is brave indeed that's why still living in Kharkiv with her two dogs. People might call her a fool but I can now understand why she couldn't leave her home.

I miss you my friend and hopefully, in time, you will decide what is best for you. I really hope we will meet again and will live our life just like before. Hopefully again we will celebrate Christmas and New year's Eve, just like the good old days...

I really hope soon this war will end and we will be reunited again...I know staying in Kharkiv was your choice and I am no one to comment on your decision but all I can say, you should reconsider your decision again...

I know you are strong and you are trying your best to stay strong, but whenever you need me, I am always here for you...I wanna see you again and don't wanna lose you...You are really a special friend to me...

Stay Safe...

Love

Priyan...

^{I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...}