When I recall those horrible war days living in the dark basement for 9 days, I don't feel good. The cold nights, dusty and damp atmosphere, and shelling sound not only mentally affected me but also the entire situation left a huge scar in my life. My family always worries about me even still now my dad shows his concern. One of his concerns is about my age, his point is about how long I am gonna take time from him and when I am gonna settle down again. I lost everything, my summer house, my investment, my career. 6 years ago when I decided to start my life in Kharkiv, I was so focused and inspired. I don't see that enthusiastic energy within me anymore instead I see myself as a worthless and failed person. No motivation or inspiration can't motivate or inspire me to start over life again, my dad reminds me I don't have much time left. Kids, marriage is far away from me and I don't know when I am going to take responsibility to start my own family. I have no words to say to my father, he already gave me enough time so probably he is right. Probably he lost faith in me so we stopped talking.
This war destroyed people's life, children lost their families, family displaced and many lost their loved ones. Everyone has their own survival story and some had to go through a lot while escaping from the warzone. It's been over 3 months since I left Kharkiv, far away from the warzone and staying safe in Europe. I still think what if I stayed in Kharkiv?
For the past 3 days, I am not sleeping at night. My sleepless night is affecting my job life but my colleagues don't say much to me because they understand what I am going through. I can't sleep. 3 days ago I woke up at the midnight because of one call. My phone rang because of my landlord's call. The city of Kharkiv started falling apart, I don't know what the news says or other says, the city is continuously under attack. People don't sleep at night because of loud explosions and heavy shelling. People are still hiding in the basement or metro station and only a few people are staying in the city. He sent me a live video and that blew away my mind. The sound of an enormous explosion took me back to those days when it all started. Nothing changed in fact situation is getting worst. People are saying this war is going to last longer than expected. No tenants are in Kharkiv not even any foreigners. Everyone left, only men stayed and are fighting for their city. I don't know if you guys read about Kharkiv or not. Yesterday 5 people died in Kharkiv, and 22 people were injured including 5 children. Every day people are dying, no jobs are available there and people are not allowed to go outside without urgent need.
I highly doubt that the East part of Ukraine will stand long, slowly everything is falling apart and getting occupied by the invaders. Don't get me wrong, after seeing what happened to my summer house, I don't see any positivity. Ya, the government said a lot of things and decided to offer help to the victims but there is so much that government won't be able to provide, emotions, memories, and effort. I didn't want my house in another land or state, I want my house in Kharkiv where I purchased it. So how can I accept another offer?
People who lived in the village had to release their cattle and had to leave their homes. Mines are everywhere now and people say that it might take 10 years to clear those mines. It's impossible to get back to life in Kharkiv, people who lost everything because of this war. Some fleed wherever they could, some stayed and started counting their days every day. It's almost impossible for elderly people to earn money now for housing. It will be impossible in the future too to get a job and start over even when the war is over. A third of the country's homeless people are homeless without housing and work.
What about me? I highly doubt whether I can return to Kharkiv ever, I have started thinking about the future of the city. Many are saying Kharkiv is gone. It breaks my heart because I know that the entire city is now a hotspot in Ukraine, the target of enemies. The city is dealing with heavy explosions, shelling, and missiles every day. If the second largest city falls and is occupied then I highly doubt the future of Ukraine. Sorry to say but after losing everything, I don't know what to say.
It breaks my heart to read all that wars are unnecessary it's only for the greedy people who want the power there is enough land on this Earth for everyone but the powerheads don't see it that why and love destroying lives. My heart goes out to you and the many others and I wish you a better future in Europe @priyanarc ❤️
I am really hopeless about Ukraine, just angry and frustrated after losing everything in life almost. Thank you so much for staying beside me...
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