Part 1

God wasn't happy.

At all.

Things weren't going as well as he thought they would be, and this new hobby of His was turning into a bit of a nightmare, truth be told.

What he thought would be a weeks 'time out', away from his serious work of creating stuff, had turned into a distraction that was now very time consuming, meaning that His schedule for The Universe Creation quota, was falling way, waaaayy, behind.

He blamed his problem on women.
Or rather one woman in particular.
Or maybe two.

...It all started after noticing his fundamental design flaw.

When he created man, he'd never given it a thought to create a woman as well, but then realized that with no female equivalent, his sexual creations didn't really work as intended - needing both male AND female participants to succeed in the reproduction game.
So he hastily created a woman.
That's when things all started to go 'tits up' (pardon the pun).

It was a 'hit and miss' kind of design policy - until he got it right..

After finally making a hottie woman for Adam to get his jollies with, and thus leading to offspring, God found that his normal laser focused concentration on creating stuff, had abandoned him.

His normal work day normally consisted of an uninterrupted eight Aeons but, after creating a woman for Adam, He couldn't work past just a few millennia without taking a sneaky peak at Eve.
He had to admit, He'd done a pretty good job with her.
Too good in fact.

Artists impression of the final design.

God now wanted a girlfriend for himself and, being god an all, could think of no reason why not.
So he created one.
He initially called Eve 2.0, but changed that and caled her Lilith instead as he hated digital products and it reminded him of something that was gonna appear on earth in few millennia.

Lilith was hot.
Like a dripping molten lava, kind of hot.
(She looked a lot like Angelina Jolie in her late twenties, in fact).

Gods work ethic then took a total nose dive.

After making Lilith, His new universes were lagging far behind his own tight schedule.
'Those bloody curves' He said to himself for the third time in a millennia, ' how's a God supposed to concentrate?'

He found his mind constantly wondering as Lilith, who donned very little clothing, strolled around His celestial technical drawing board all day.
She was very distracting.
His new hobby of creating Earth also suffered, and he saw some fundamental design errors that could not be undone, even though he was God.

*Contrary to to popular propaganda, God was not infallible. (nor omnipresent, but that's a whole other story).
He'd created cockroaches for example. They were intended to be a scrumptious fast food source on legs, to be eaten as and when a human was feeling peckish.
That didn't work out as intended.
He'd blamed Lilith and her expertise with her mouth (and very bendy body) for distracting him while he was thinking through the whole 'cockroach, human snack, thingy'...
Her distractions resulted in him making 'roaches appear to be the vilest thing that a Human being could ever set eyes on, never mind eat.

He couldn't really blame Lilith or Eve for his screw ups though.
He knew that deep down.
He'd created them after all and He, technically, was perfect.
So they must be, by extension, perfect as well. They both looked pretty damned perfect to him.

Thinking about Lilith talents with her tongue while having a nice perv at Eve he took it that, all in all, it was win for his creative abilities.

But He couldn't remember for the life of him what Lilith was doing to him while he was finishing off the garden of Eden.
….but it must have been something pretty wild considering his monumental screw up.

Berating himself for the umpteenth time he looked down at the garden and thought
'Why the fuck did I do that ?'

He was referring to the tree of knowledge.

He'd put the tree right in the middle of the Utopia we know as Eden.
And that, He knew, would screw everything up.

'Why didn't I just stick it on the top of a mountain in Wales, or something ?' He thought to himself...
'No one would find it there, or at least not until the rest of the globe was so populated and there was no other choice but to venture into that most inhospitable of places.

He sighed, not knowing what to do.
Adam and Eve only gone and taken a bloody bite out of the fruit on the tree on knowledge!

Soon after taking a nibble from the fruit, Adam and Eve were soon very busy screwing each others brains out day and night just for the sheer pleasure of it, and trying their upmost to find something that they didn't enjoy doing to each other.

God couldn't just undo this error either.
His own 'time' and 'space' rules didn't work like that.
(He'd berated himself several times for creating the whole 'time' idea, with such rigid foundations).

The issue He had, was this...

The fruits off the tree of knowledge were not meant to have been consumed for another five or six millennia.

...At such a time when his human creations had settled in nicely to their homes, and were getting a bit bored.

The tree's fruits were meant to eaten in their entirety - all in one sitting, so as to gain the knowledge of everything, all at once.

The now cavorting couple only taken one bite each.

As He observed Adam and Eve's attempt to do something impossible with an aubergine and no lubrication, He realized that a little knowledge was a very, very, dangerous thing.

“Hey! ” He said, turning to one of his angels called Lucy who was sniggering at his mistake...

“ I didn't' make the bloody rules.”

“Well, actually,” Replied Lucy, “ You did. Technically speaking, you did make all the rules of creation...So there is that.”

God hated it when His angels pointed out his own logical anomalies to him.

And Lucy was the worst of them all.
He was a right git truth be told, and he just never knew when to shut the fuck, right up.

Giving his creations free will was one of God's biggest brainwaves, or so he thought at the time - but it did come at a price, that was for sure.

Lilith's use free will for example.
Her idea of getting underneath the Celestial technical drawing board and having some fun down there had resulted in God unexpectedly spewing out the milky way, and that was good - even though a little unplanned and very messy.

Lucy's unrelenting critiques of Gods own rules on the other hand, was a total pain in the ass.

But, regardless of Lilith's ministrations with her mouth, or Lucy's with his (but in a very different kind of way), the rules were the rules.
And once he'd made them up, was a stickler for sticking to 'em.

The Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve, and the tree of knowledge was no exception.

Pondering on how to put right his own screw up, he called all his workers together for a meeting....

Part 2 coming up

Lilith and Lucy, get a job....

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