7 years!

Today marks my 7th year on hemodialysis.

February 5, 2014, I went to a mobile clinic to get myself checked up because of severe body malaise and shortness of breath. My lab results were too dreadful, the general physician advised me not to go home. She advised that I need to go through an emergency blood transfusion and DIALYSIS so she'll have an ambulance pick me up. This outraged me because she didn't really give me a rationale of my condition, just that I needed these procedures done. I was so furious, I think I told her to shut it then I walked out.

When I got home, I looked at my lab results and found my creatinine levels were so high and that my hemoglobin's super low. I googled my symptoms and thought to myself, I could be dying. I cried myself to sleep that night.

The next day, I mustered all my courage and went to The Medical City in Ortigas. I went to see the best nephrologist there, Dr. Gueco, who was also the clinical head of their hemodialysis unit, just to be sure. My new lab tests reflected the same dreadful results. Dr. Gueco advised me not to go home, she explained everything in detail... She made me feel at ease, I cried during the consult. She let me know why I was having trouble breathing, why my body feels so weak, why my color turned a pale white, why my skin is so itchy, and why I had bruises all over my body. She said it's a miracle I'm still up and about because my hemoglobin is already frighteningly low.

So, on that same day, February 6th, I was admitted and had a perm catheter inserted for dialysis access. I was so scared during the procedure, they had to put me under general anesthesia. When I woke up, I had tubes sticking out of my chest. That night was very difficult, not only for me but for my family. My husband Toph was with me at the hospital, our daughter H was left with her nanny at my in-laws. It was heartbreaking for us to hear H crying over the phone asking if I was dying. We assured her that I wasn't going to die and that everything's going to be alright.

On the evening of the 7th, I had my first dialysis session. It scared me at first because I didn't know how my body would react to the treatment but thankfully, it went smoothly. I slept through it and completed the session without any problems.

I've been on hemodialysis since then. My kidneys have shrunk and have 0% function. I also stopped peeing about 5 years ago. My life went on a complete overhaul. The past 7 years hadn't been easy. My disease is exhausting. It is physically and emotionally draining. Dialysis treatments, medications, consultations, and hospitalizations are also financially draining.

At one point I got so weak I had to quit my job which made it difficult for my family. We experienced being down to our last centavo, we had to ask for help to sustain my treatment, H's education, and our daily needs. It is true that God will always provide and that He will never forsake us. We asked for help and it was given to us. Friends and family reached out, old classmates, even strangers, have helped us through dire times. We strived hard to be able to pay it forward, helping other people in need whenever we can. We moved to a smaller place and let go of the nanny. Toph and I found jobs online, we started working from home so we can earn a living while also being there for each other and always be present for H. Challenges kept on coming but we were a strong unit, able to withstand anything life had thrown at us.

Thank you Lord God for another year, for never leaving me and for always loving me! You are the best! Without You, I am indeed nothing.

I also wouldn't have come this far if not for everyone who helped me through the years. Toph and H, my main source of strength and inspiration. My constants - my mom, my siblings, and a select few who had always been ever-present sending me light and love. Thank you all for your support. Personally, I am very grateful to have come this far. Having survived 7 years is such a feat. I feel all sorts of pain, I'm tired, but I AM STILL HERE -- I will keep on keeping on. Life is beautiful! 😎