As you are no doubt aware, Movies Have (Basically) Stopped. Almost all the movies that used to be being made are no longer being made and those of us who depend on making fun of the winter’s nerdy blockbusters for their livelihoods are in a pickle. How can I, as someone who has professionally hated things for two full decades, make a buck when the future is currently bereft of films to hate? There’s only one answer: It’s time to look into the past.
Or, to put it more simply, I’m using my patented “FAQs” to answer the questions you had about older superhero and science fiction flicks that I didn’t answer, probably because I didn’t want to subject myself to yet another terrible movie at the time. Now, though, beggars can’t be choosers, which means I just sat through X-Men: Apocalypse, a movie that should be in prison for its criminal misuse of Oscar Isaac. Enjoy…?
Where does X-Men: Apocalypse sit in the X-film franchise?
It’s the sixth movie in the X-Men film franchise, assuming you skip the Wolverine solo flicks and Deadpool, and the third movie in the First Class continuity/universe. It’s also the first First Class film to truly, truly suck.
What’s it’s problem?
Several things, as we’ll discuss. But really it’s less a movie than a checklist where director and alleged super-creep Bryan Singer started throwing in whatever popular X-characters he hadn’t gotten around to yet, including ones that had yet to show up in the movies.
Shouldn’t including fan-favourite characters be a good thing?
Yeah, if there’s something for them to do. With the exception of the new, young versions of Jean Grey, Cyclops, and Nightcrawler, the rest of these characters barely figure into the movie’s plot, if at all.