Have you ever spared a moment to think about how much time and effort you ever wasted craving acceptance from an individual or group? Maybe you even tried on different skins, took on different personalities, transformed into a stranger... because acceptance for you was like a drug. And you felt like you needed that high. If you've ever been there, go through your old picture album, you'll see me standing right next to you.
Legendary Greek philosopher Aristotle described the need for social interaction as inherent to human nature. The quote ascribed to him is as follows: “Man is by nature a social animal... Society is something that precedes the individual.” In essence, we need to be in a group, to belong to a group, to be accepted by a group.
Unfortunately, while I do not challenge the esteemed philosopher's perspective, I mean, how can I, I think that this aspect of our nature is both an advantage and a weakness. And here's why. Sometimes you may find yourself in a group that does not accept you as you are. You don't mesh. And then it's not just a case of one of these things just doesn't belong here...
... Because very often you feel like you don't belong in your community, the very group that you've been raised among, the yardstick that you have used for much of your life to define you. And that, I think, is where danger lies.
If our community, does not accept us as we are, and we are not exposed to other groups that are like-minded, we can think that we are, like Aristotle also said, if I were to bastardize his saying, maybe beneath notice. And so rather than take on that descriptor, some of will do almost anything to be accepted.
I came across this article in PsychCentral, What Drives Our Need For Approval, which quotes another website, advancedlifeskills.com in saying, "...the desire for validation is one of the strongest motivating forces known to man".
And so, to the point of today's post. For more years than I'd like to admit, I craved acceptance and I was deeply hurt whenever it was not forthcoming. In essence, I gave a lot of people my power.
As I grow older, however, and I begin to weed and whittle through acquaintances, as I feel less of a need to impress others and more of a need to find peace from my own sense of self worth, to find validation from within, from being authentic, from doing the things I love, from being me... I am reclaiming that power and it feels good.
Because when you are authentically you, and you know that your intentions are pure, your heart is good and you are in a good place doing what you love because you love it, the disapproval of some external party who has no material control over your life really doesn't matter. The little digs and shady comments that would usually cut deep would have no effect. You'd pity their need to pull you down to their height so that they can stand taller.
And, get this because this is really important, when you are authentically you, you will find your group. Once you accept that your group doesn't have to be the people you knew and socialized with all your life. It could be a completely new set of people.
So stop knocking on doors where you're not wanted or accepted, do the things you love and focus on developing you for you. Trust me, it's worth it. You'll find your swans.
And so, in his song, Likes, Jamaican reggae artist Chronixx says it best when he says, "Ah nuh everybody ah guh like we,
Still we irie,
Cuh we nah love likes..."
Loosely translated, he's saying, everyone won't like us, but we're fine because we don't need likes.
This song is easily one of my favorite modern reggae songs.
This article was first posted on Hive