Dear ABBY
I was married for more than 40 years.
My ex constantly badmouths me to everyone.
He got to our grown daughter early during our separation, and it's clear to me she has sided with him.
He's a very intelligent narcissist who manipulates people and they're not even aware of it.
Our divorce took three different lawyers and cost me thousands, which was his intention.
Should I open up to my daughter and try to get her to understand why I can't be around him?
I don't want to alienate my only child. -- Free But Not Totally Happy
Dear Free
If you were married to your husband for 40 years, your daughter is no longer a child.
Do not attempt to diminish her opinion of her father -- simply explain why you could no longer stay married to him.
If you can discuss your divorce with her and point out specific examples she may have noticed in her youth that led to your divorce, I see no reason why you shouldn't.