221010

Dear ABBY
My wife and I have been together for 26 years.
I'm old school-no Facebook or social media, although I do follow sports on Twitter.
My wife, however, is all into it.
My issue is, she thinks it's OK for her social life to be private.
I don't think there should be any secrets between us, and I'm feeling uncomfortable about this.
I saw something that, from my standpoint, is out of bounds for a married woman.
When I asked about it, she said it's private and has nothing to do with me.
I'm wondering if this is the hill I will die on.
Touching her phone would be a major crime.
But my phone is open and she knows all my passwords to it as well as the computer.
I'm thinking the openness is one-way, and it's not working for me.
Am I an idiot, as I've been told? -- One-way in New Jersey
DEAR ONE-WAY
No, you're not an idiot.
You are a husband who suspects his wife may be doing something nefarious because she has become so secretive that trust has become an issue.
While I don't think this is the hill you will die on, it may be the one your marriage will die on, because, without trust, there can be no marriage.
Because you and your wife can lo longer communicate effectively, offer her the option of counseling.
If she agrees, it may save your marriage.
If she doesn't, then go without her to help you figure out what your next steps should be.