bully watching . . .

It is no secret, that @lucylin and myself are friends in real life ( I mean off Blurt life ).
And having had many interesting chats about all sorts of different things in life, one topic that we keep returning to;
is the allegations of bullying. . .

Just to clarify:
It is not a 'defending him' post in any which ways, cause I do think the man needs no defending whatsoever (he is very capable of taking care of himself), but anybody who knows me, knows that I always stand up for my friends, and bite off anybody's head who "try to hurt" those around me.
(You should have seen me, when someone made negative comments to me of my very good friend, who was also the DJ for the events I was organising. . . They said he was "this and that". . .and I turned into a fiery beast and they haven't talked to me ever since, lol. No regret, whatsoever.)

In this case here, I'm more just collecting more info. . . not necessarily for and about him, but in general. . . (he is just a good starting point, lol)

So in the light of this new trend of 'bully watching', I wanted to ask some questions. . .

(i probably don't have to highlight that the penguin is one them 4, being followed. . .)

So according to 'bullywatch' this is bullying:

Verbal threats, text threats, veiled threats, insults, stalking, harrassment, economic threats to individuals or to the community, doxing threats, vulgarity, defamation. racist comments, sexist comments, teasting, taunting, extortion, putdowns, labelling, extortion, etc

Which is fine. . .i guess. . .

But my questions are:

• If we label one as a bully, doesn't that count bullying in itself? (stated on the list, and @lucylin clearly has been labeled as a bully many times, even just in the past 24 hours)
• If I use vulgar language, does that really count as I am a bully? I mean I say inappropriate shit all the time, does that really make me a bully. . . ? (one of my best friends, Russel, always says when I go into my ego whinging "that's fuckin' bullshit Petra"; does that make him a bully? No, he is a friend, who catches me on my BS, so I can grow. . . if I choose to.)
• Staying on the same topic. . . just because we have someone point out something about us, that we don't like to hear, it does not mean they are bullying us (or does it?) I mean, how are we mean to grow, if we are not being shown our errors. . . we need people to reflect. . . it is not bullying if someone points out what we don't see in ourselves.
  ( I do want to highlight here, that I have pointed out to @lucylin, countless times, that the way he does these things, can and often are, not coming out in the nicest possible way, to say the least. . . (anyone can look back on many of our convos even here on Blurt. . .)but I do believe, that a lot of it comes from the fact that he has Aspergers, and I do have compassion for that, not saying its ok, but I do understand the 'why')
• On a similar note, again, coming down to criticism. . .(which seems to be the main problem here);
  When we are faced with an opinion, which we don't like to acknowledge about ourselves, we tend to jump to the "I'm being attacked" story . . .
  But I believe that more often than not, what happens, is that we feel and see, that side of us, that we don't like to acknowledge, and by feeling a negative emotion, instead of reflecting back, and recognising, that it's a side of us we don't like, we project that it is the other person who is making us feel bad. . . (and label them as a bully)

Funny story, if we are on this topic ( just to prove I ain't perfect. . . )
@lucylin "pissed me off" big time the other day. . .
and I went into a "i am mad" two days . . .but once I allowed myself to slow down, look within, and reflect;
I realised, that I was mad, because what he was doing (that pissed me off), was reminding me of many (and I say many) wounds that I have had in the past . . . and I wasn't really upset with him. . .cause , if I didn't have those wounds, I wouldn't have noticed anything of what he said or did. I only noticed, because it was touching an unhealed wound within me, that was painful, so I claimed, he was the one who hurt me (poor me, lol).
And when he said, "You are pissed off with me", I had to swallow my fucking pride, and say, no, "I'm pissed off with myself and my past."

See where I'm going with this. . . ?
Just because we hear or experience something we don't like, it doesn't necessarily mean that the problem is the other person. . .
It clearly had nothing to do with the other person in this case. . .but !!! I needed two days to see, cause I was avoiding to see the original wounds. (It was soooo much easier to just blame him, and pretend that he is the cause of it all )

My advice, when you are faced with something you don't like, before you claim that the other person is a bully, pause for a second, and ask yourself;

• What is the emotion that I'm feeling right now?
• When was the first time I felt the exact same way?

I bet you, that 99% of the time, you will find a memory of an experience in your life, that will be the original wound. . .that is being reminded of by the person/situation.

And that is the moment, when you can choose to grow, or not.
It is not easy, and I'll tell you, whenever I think, I have healed a wound and it is no longer there, it will come right back, and bite me in the ass, just like it happened the other day. . .
But it is for my benefit. . .hopefully, next time something like this happens, before I react, and jump into my ego pool, I will pause, and be like "oooh, here we go again", and then I can decide to do it differently. . . or not, we will see.

(p.s. don't get me wrong, @lucylin can be an arrogant asshole, but he is no bully. . . in my personal opinion, and I tend to believe I am a good judge of character)