Thank you, I take it as a compliment.
It's quite difficult to remain in a status where my blog posts are not commented like they used to be (when the readership is huge) and still have faith that there are people out there who read my articles as well as my comments and find them valuable (without me knowing of this fact). So I am graceful to be reminded of that.
When I look at your exchanges it gives me also reassurance that there are people out there who take the risk of not being always liked. One gets more aggressive or insulting reactions but I assume you are welcoming the fact that disagreement is a learning ground for you, too.
A lot of words without saying a whole lot, I know
HaHa! Yes! 😂
I've been mostly a loner in my life, and don't hold as much weight in the value being a lot among those who are often little more than bullies.
And while open to those who come across as sincere as holding a valid observation that would invalidate my ignorance, as I prefer being correct than defending an idea that is wrong, I also know that at times truth is subjective and we all have to make our journey alone.
By the truth is subjective part (which I know can be controversial among some in my circles) I would liken it for example to face piercings. In my quality scale, they are ugly. And of equal importance to myself I'm not a fan of physical pain and can't see any need to have someone punching holes in my face allowing me to wear such an ornament. So in my truth there are negatives and no positives.
Yet, who am I to decide for those wearing them that they are wrong in liking them and embracing the momentary pain and infection that can come from them. They walk their shoes, not mine. I don't understand it and can't pretend I do in conversations I may have with those who like it, but I acknowledge this is a truth to them. A rather simplistic example for sure.
You mentioned in a previous comment about your journey from hard positions to softer more flexible ones. I'm still prone to hard positions, but have tempered it many years ago to being more flexible with anothers positions.
I view it more as a preferences category however moreso than a right position in many areas. My studying has led me to being skeptical of many so called truths once I began grasping how many of our truths are the result of agreements we made with those in charge of our learning in our formative years. The varying levels of trance states we are in and out of constantly like the waves of an ocean determining our varying levels of susceptibility and agreement with what is being presented. Made more powerful once there is added the extra dimension of group agreement.
About one of the only sureties I have in life here in my old age is that I made a hell of a lot of agreements I'm not so conscious of that tint my view on a matter, and that I hold a lot of preferences that may or may not be tainted by such agreements.
Returning now to the disagreement are you mention, it is in these disagreement pockets where one can stalk themself (our thoughts and reactions) and perhaps gain and understanding on the origin of these agreements we have bound to ourselves.
As you should. I hand them out so rarely and they must be earned.
A very good point. To having oneself bound to certain agreements can be tricky.
Bullies, assuming that they perceive themselves as inferior, are an expression of the same. In the unconditional wanting of consent in the sense of "obey me!" it is futile to want to change the behaviour of a domineering person.
What I can do when confronted with it is simply not to obey. The other person will not necessarily stop wanting to dominate one, but will notice that one nevertheless does not obey. If I am able to not verbalise my disobedience as "my right", the other has no leverage against me because I leave the level of justifying myself and mind my own business. The bully will lose interest sooner or later if I don't feed his dramaturgy.
I had some interesting encounters in my professional life where people higher up in the hierarchy wanted to dominate me. Like my ex boss wanting me to wear a mini skirt at a fair. I told him that I would not and he can fire me, if he so wishes.
I refused to work longer hours and asked him "So, you find pleasure in seeing your employees working overtime? I'm not going to do this just to please you. Am I doing a bad job? If so, tell me. If not, I will continue to go home on time."
Of course, I also had moments which I would not call very heroic or brave. I had a job where I realized that it would be too much of a fight towards my boss and I quit working there. Sometimes it succeeds to earn respect, at other times it fails. It took me some time not to feel ashamed towards myself, for I had the feeling of cowardly running away (which need not to be framed that way but is just a sense of reality that I cannot fight on all fronts).
A bully will not stop if he sniffs that I am having certain weaknesses but I still argue with him. I will get defeated by those weak points I have (... but even that may be a learning lesson for me).
Having said all this, I think that one can talk to almost everyone if the mind is fresh and the heart is light. :)