Sometimes in life we meet some people who become close to our heart. Often we think of them, we hope to talk to them, and we realize that maybe they have kept us at some special place in our lives. But then sometimes, the reality dawns on us, and we realize that they keep us with them only for their own benefit, and we just become a necessity for them. Today I have this feeling, that the person whom I considered mine from the heart, actually has no place for me in her heart.
She always called me her friend, but now it seems that even that friendship was just a need. Whenever she has some problem or she feels lonely, she remembers me. But when my need is over, she gets lost back in her life. This thing hurts even more when I think that if I disappear completely for a month, then maybe she won't even care. Maybe she feels my absence, but not so much that it leaves an empty space in her heart.
But if she disappears for a month, my life will be filled with emptiness. I will remember her every moment, and I will feel lonely without her. Maybe I don't say all this, but her importance in my life is something else. Her absence can make me completely empty from inside. Her memories, those few moments spent with her, everything connects me to her even more.
It is amazing, how we become so important to some people that it becomes difficult to live without them, and they consider us only a friend, or only necessary to solve their problems. Sometimes I think that maybe my feelings are wrong, maybe I should not have hoped that she too will consider me as her own. But the heart does not believe, that hope, that feeling, just keeps on increasing.
I know that it is difficult for me to leave all this. Perhaps even today I think that someday she will understand my feelings, but then the reality pulls me back to her that she sees me only as a need. If she leaves, I will be torn apart from the inside, but perhaps that will not even make a difference.
Today I stand at the same crossroads, should I just keep my feelings inside me, or should I free myself from this condition. Maybe now the time has come to understand my heart that some relationships are only one-sided, and having hope in them is just giving vent to my pain. Maybe it is better that I take care of my heart and keep this in mind that whatever she wants for me, she will always be more for me.