What happened today has made me feel something strange. She had gone on a picnic and was having fun in the water. I was also very happy at first thinking that she is happy and enjoying with her friends. But, at that time I started feeling something else when I came to know that she was holding someone's hand in the water or people were coming near her. There was nothing wrong in this, but I felt something strange inside, as if some things were entangled in the heart.
She is my best friend but we are friends only over chat. Often people tell me that if you care so much and think about her then it is more than friendship. But I feel that this is just attachment. I do not love her but I feel a special kind of attachment. Maybe this attachment has made me think so much today about how she spends her time and who is close to her.
I don't understand where these feelings of mine come from. Everyone enjoys their friends, but when they are close to someone else or seem happier with them, I feel strange inside. Maybe this is the result of such attachments that I have never felt before. I know there is a difference between love and friendship, but it is difficult to understand where this attachment fits.
Often these things make friendship and attachment even more confusing. My friends also ask me that if I feel these feelings with them then is it love? But I know that it is just attachment, not love. There is a lot of difference between love and attachment. Maybe attachment is a kind of habitual attachment which develops with time but it does not have the intensity that love has.
Today I am confused about what my feelings are. I think about her, but I feel that she is just doing it because we are friends and understand each other well. Maybe I am convincing myself that this is just friendship, but there is also a possibility that these feelings are something else. Whatever it is, I have to understand where these feelings are going.
Eventually I realize that maybe I am thinking too much about myself. She is happy, and it is important for me that she is happy. I will have to understand my feelings and see the difference between attachment and love. Maybe with time this confusion will go away and I will understand the real meaning of my heart.