But what if you could speak to anyone and
never run out of things to say? The problem is we all have some level of social anxiety which plays a role in our awkwardness, but we're all at different levels, and I personally graduated to
the more advanced levels without any cheat codes, so over time I developed my own three methods to speak to anyone and never be awkward again. Well, at least most of the time.
Initially, I blamed myself for being too shy, not confident, and just a little bit socially nipped, but like everyone else, I was the exact opposite around people who I was comfortable with, so I asked myself what really is coming on, how can one person have such opposite personalities?
What I realized was that even though I'm an introvert, I don't have two personalities, and it wasn't even a confidence problem, it was a skill problem. I simply hadn't mastered the art of small talk, and just like any other art form, like learning a new instrument or writing poetry, speaking to people is a skill which can be
developed with enough practice.
So through years of trial and error and by observing people better than me, I quickly understood the only three things you need to do to speak to anyone fluently and never run out of things to say, and the best part is you can implement these three things almost immediately.
What would you do if someone said the following: "I went to play golf over the weekend." You can either say, "oh, that's interesting", and then stay into space whilst listening to the sound of silence. Or you can ask intentional follow-up questions, for example, where do you usually play, how long have you been playing golf for? This will then naturally lead to further follow-up questions, like "Do you play competitively, are you part of a club?"
Now you probably couldn't care less about
golf, but firstly this shows that you're generally interested in what the other person has to say,
or at least that's the perception you're creating. And secondly, this removes any awkward
pauses and silences, and it also gives you the power to control the conversation and take it into any direction. Because when you really think about it, a conversation is simply a series of questions and answers, and the person who asks most of the questions is usually the one in control, but for this it's important you're asking the right questions, and this is where the second method comes in.
Now the common misconception is that to become better at speaking you need to speak more, but like great paradoxes in life, to improve your communication you need to do the exact opposite, and actually listen more. That means to actively listen and do nothing else apart from listening, because it's easy for a month to wander and start preparing for a response, rather than actually listening to what's been said, leading you to say something which is completely irrelevant and off topic, adding further to your collection of awkward moments. But if you listen intently, you can ask the right questions, and create a free flowing and more interesting conversation for everyone involved.
As the famous quote goes, "Most people don't listen with the intent to understand,
they listen with the intent to reply." Don't be that person that are enough for those already.
The cherry on the cake is when you find a common ground. We instantly click with people who have similar backgrounds or interests as us. Sometimes this is really obvious like you're both like golf, other times it might be more difficult, but even then with enough probing and by asking the right questions, there will be something you both have in common, and once you find that thing, move the conversation in that direction, and it will start flowing itself.
The truth is there will be times where the conversation goes nowhere, and there will be moments in your life where there will be
awkward silences. And if that does happen, just learn to be comfortable with the silence. At the end of the day, it's just silence, and it will eventually pass. But by following these three methods, more often than not, you'll be able to speak to anyone and never run out of things to say.