I've been drinking coffee ever since about I was four years old when my mother was trying to wean me off from drinking milk because there was this very faint memory which reminds me of it and I cherish that memory. But I already learned how to talk at that time and understood what my mother is saying when that final time came that she said to me, "There is already a hole on your bottle" with the bottle in her hand as she shows me my feeding bottle. I didn't get upset about it and the memory of that had ended there and just like a smoke in my memory now because I can't even remember my mother's face too although I am more than sure that we had that short conversation about her cunning tactic to wean me off from using my feeding bottle. Also, I learned that I was drinking milk heavily when I was just a baby and finishing more than two long feeding bottles of milk particularly at the moments when it is time to sleep.
When I was younger during my elementary school days my mother would buy some water Buffalo milk and there were some instances too that one of my brothers and I would literally go at our rice farmer neighbor's yard to buy some milk from him which is beside the road but inside their property. That is why while growing-up me and my siblings are quite well-nourished because of the Buffalo milk which we are consuming every morning and either incorporated with some hot rice to be sprinkled with either sugar or salt and or to be paired with "Pan de Sal" bread and dip the bread to the glass of hot Carabao's milk and it really are both delicious. Most of the time we eat rice with Carabao's milk on our plates because my mother also prepared other viands on the table so that we can have more protein even before the years when we are still not going to school. There also these sweet moments which I remember that I was sitting on our old house's wooden staircase and dipping some bread in a glass of milk as my breakfast.
Well, of course there were times that Carabao milk is not available so there are no other choice but to drink coffee, not a brewed coffee but instant coffee. That is the only beverage which is only available in our home, no orange juice, nor cow's milk which can be bought from a supermarket if there any that I could remember existing at our province when I was younger but that kind of milk was never served on our table. That is why I got addicted to drinking coffee at an earlier age because from while eating or snacking, most of the time I personally drink coffee and then maybe some soft drinks on occasion because I have no money to spend to which I can consider at that time as drinking softdrinks because I have no money when I was still a young boy and knowing that I can get scolded by my mother asking her to give me some pennies for buying some softdrinks. That is why when I finally was receiving some allowance money from my mother, it was the only time that I was able to buy some softdrinks.
But at home, the beverage of choice although I do not have any other choice was drinking coffee, it did helped me too while I was in high school when I was studying and all the way until my unfinished College times. I got addicted indeed but I am not drinking more than three cups per day because otherwise I will develop a stomach ache and I learned about hyperacidity-induced coffee drinking afterwards which prevented me from that side-effect again by just not drinking coffee more than three times per day. Then I struggled to take off coffee from my lifestyle because I would develop bad headaches when I try to not drink coffee which is why the addiction stayed until I am not anymore because I can go without caffeine in my system but I still drink it in the morning to perk my brain a bit but no more after that, I usually also drink pale coffee at my combined late lunch and supper because it helps me to swallow my food as my appetite currently is still down.
My coffee consumption is not like before and I heavily had cut it back from my diet. The reasons for dieting out caffeine from my body is that I want it not to interfere from absorbing the nutrients from the foods which I am consuming and the supplements which I was taking. I also do not want Coffee or caffeine to ruin my sleep because of its extended effects about my sleeping behavior and quality which had been abnormal since late 90's when anemia was starting to plague me with its effects of insomnia. I had been suffering from intermittent sleep pattern every night aside from sleeping late because I want to make sure that I am already sleepy when I do to sleep otherwise I will spend all night tossing and turning. I have all the time in the world to sleep whenever I want with only noises around and inside the house as additional factors to wake me up. Now although I wanted to be awake all the time especially when I am doing my online writing hobby, I can't really do it artificially by drinking coffee because of the mentioned reasons plus the fact that I am trying to control my fluid consumption for the reason that I can only drink much before my lungs, breathing, and overall well-being is affected.
Missing the outdoors more than ever
The only closer thing for me to be outdoors is to sit in a backyard with at least some fruiting trees which I can eat while relaxing or relaxing while staying on a comfortable terrace of our house. However, both is not available for me to spend my time with because our terrace then was now an unused room while the original terrace itself is always hot because it is exposed to the afternoon sun while located on the ground level of our small Bungalow house. The small space at our backyard is not good to stay with either because it is where the small artesian pump is located, as well as the place where we cook our meals, and that small patch of soil where we are keeping some vegetables where a few already had been killed by my father. My father by the way is very clean in the garden, so much so that when he has nothing left to clean he would proceed to either replant them or clean them off out from that small space where even the soil itself is anemic.
Your eyes could get cancer if you look at that place, the years of using waste oil as kindle to the wood stove had already blackened the corrugated roof above it, where the metal itself which feels like more than an over when you sit below it which make sit not an ideal place for relaxing even during the night because of the mosquitoes and whichever would disturb from the three animal species like rats from the adjacent drain canal from which these creatures are thriving because it is being used by our neighbor who happen to have a catering service and drains their waste water with some leftover food with it which the said rats are eating and sustaining from. Feral cats are also present in our neighborhood and from time to time would fight anywhere from the roof of our house or beside my room, wherever. Generally, sleeping outside your home feels terrible and scary because of these said creatures that are omni present in most neighborhoods.
But the outdoors that I wanted to roam on are just simple places, probably a friend farmer's backyard where I can get to experience catching fishes from the small savannah located near their rice farm and enjoy eating with them. I did had the chance to buy a CO2 gun and shotgun but because of lack of company to use those and the fact that I was getting weaker too, I can never get back to what I wanted to do in nature in general anymore. I am forced to forget in being outdoors or being with my friends doing some rather crazy but fun stuff and the things that I had planned to do but now is really to late to do. All that I can do if God wills it is to try to make a better house which my parents and I can enjoy living from, an ancestral home which in time to time can will be the main place which my siblings and their family can visit and gather when special occasions would come to happen for the next few years.
Getting older
I saw one of my former classmates in Facebook, she resembled like what she looked like from what I last remembered seeing her, of course she had matured more but to the extent that I feel like I am more than two decades your than her. It is because my general image or appearance never had changed, so if you would not consider my bone changes, I still look like I was till 16 years old. My voice however had been affected by my skeletal problem because my neck bones had been crooked plus my lungs cannot sustain much of the air that I needed to complete a short sentence when I speak to the point that I sounded like I am retarded person now, that is is why I do like to speak so much with other people nor ever converse to them on a normal way because my voice sounds abnormal and funny in a negative way not in my favor.
But of course all of the existing creatures now had added years in their birthdays until some already reached their maximum point of living via a myriad of causes while many had changed in appearance like "aged like fine wine" while others aged like a vehicle brake pad. My point is that I am struggling about this fact of life because for example , the movie characters that I wanted to watch can never happen again because they aged. or my immediate family members dying before my time, and this one, that I am growing tired about life already unlike in my younger years where everything is like an adventure, fun, exciting, I have more physical vigor, and also hope to make it big in life although the latter seems to came true, I can never enjoy it now like a normal person can do but at least it had made my future more secure than I can ever imagine. Anyway, I just hate getting old because all of the things around me gets old too and then go away either suddenly or through the normal course of the times on life. I do not want to discuss the other bad aspect of living longer but I just want to convey is that because of the ravages of time upon all things including this world that we are living into will also disappear, it still affects my emotions to that point that upon thinking about it, it makes me sad. That is why we should not cling unto this world which is temporary but to persevere in being with God in heaven where joy and happiness is everlasting and there are no more sadness anymore.
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