There are so many wrong in my body like my musculoskeletal issue where I not only lost a tremendous amount of weight, my backbone is still a long-standing problem for the reason that my backpain is still there particularly when I am sitting upright for long. That is why at dialysis clinic prior in getting my regular treatment, I am preferring to lie down rather than to sit up even at a 30 degree angle. When I am sitting-up reclined, my Adam's apple would sink to the breastbone and would cause some pain in my throat area as well as my back. That is why I told myself that I can never be comfortable in sitting down in any position except when I eat now I would prefer to be sitting down rather than eating lying down to my back.
I am also comfortable drinking my beverages on my back especially if it is coming from the Thermos but not coffee of course because I prefer my coffee to be as hot as possible and it also comes in a heavy mug when I would ask my mother to fix me some if I want it. I also had the experience of spilling myself with coffee, thankfully the coffee is not boiling hot way back from around those years when the extent of my facial deformity had gotten big with the bone behind my lower jaw inside my mouth is already striking my palate and at the same time my chin also had grown big enough that I am already unrecognizable.
It lead to my difficulty in being understood because my mouth feels like there are two big balls inside it and caused an impediment on my speech. Thankfully with the mercy of God on my soul, I happen to afford going to the right Doctor for my bone condition which is why I lead in using a medicine that actually fools my body (parathyroid glands) that there is no need to pump my system with its hormones which makes my bones shed Calcium in my blood which causes what I look like today which is called "Leontiasis" or Lionhead syndrome.
Looking back many years ago, it probably started even before the time of my first dialysis session for the first time because I am already experiencing itchy skin and aching joints which are caused by too much phosphorus in my body. Then after around four years being a dialysis patient, my teeth began to part, my face turned to be ugly but still I am naïve on what is happening to my body. I thought that it was just normal to get ugly while growing up or should I say "growing older". Then many people seems to be looking at my appearance as you could say "Abnormal". I just shrugged it off because I really can't do anything about it anyway in those years, I am penniless and I am at the mercy of my brother's love and support where if he had not been there in the first place, I would have been long gone already and never had done these things that I was doing from around 2012 and earlier.
My life mission during that time is to only get dialyzed regularly and that's it, it is because I am clueless of what really would happen and is happening in my body and my Nephrologist have not educated and informed of the already brewing bone condition which already began a few years earlier until changes in my appearance went suddenly parabolic and people in my family seems to be also try to play it down because for one thing, they can't say "go to the doctor" because they cannot or willing to help me out where my parents really can't do much either. People had treated me as a subhuman which is worthy of being just seen, turn their head the other way and ignored, I also had experienced being belittled in many ways including a mockery of my abnormal appearance, all of that negative reactions because of my appearance. I am not using a mirror that much until one day I did stood in front of our old mirror and saw this unfamiliar face, believe it or not I was surprised looking at this creature which explains why I catch people's attention.
My current appearance is quite better now but I would not take-off my medical face mask because I would be a head-turner in a negative way for sure. But using a face mask, it would make me feel better to be seen in public. I just want to reiterate that public perception about people with problems with their appearance is very rude although in professional world you can expect a different treatment. I would often ask for an apology about my appearance to some people that I would be meeting like a new nurse or a bank employee because of the extent of the disfigurement of my face. But thanks to God my face is not much that problematic and my only hope now if God wills it that the facial bone would subside even more from now.
It is just funny that what I want to happen to my body didn't happen but the reverse happened. I am talking about doing work-out sessions in the past and even being vain about my appearance like buying whitening lotions and such. However due to my inherently weak body even before I was born and my already deteriorating health in my teens, I can just planned it but never did it. I was able to make some push-ups which defined some of my arm's muscles but later I discontinued because I was made to eat a diet made of saltless foods, I mean bland as boring, no taste whatsoever. It started from my junior high school, up to almost two years in a college and a few years after that. I missed so much food that I could have enjoyed eating during those years because my mother would sold me if I do not drink like a cow apart from making me drink leaf concoctions including roots of a coconut tree.
That is why my tongue was trained to dislike salty foods like junk foods in particular before both of my kidneys conked-out of me. Anyway, it was also hopeless to improve my physical appearance right from the start as my body is not in the condition to do heavy exercises. I also made no plans of improving my body's appearance afterwards when I got the clue that I will just injure myself rather than improve any joint. muscle. or bone in the process. I am now more prone to breaking bones, straining ligaments, as well as aching joints and the effort will just be a waste of time because of the underlying conditions in my body coming from imbalances which are left unchecked and uncorrected for so many years already that now, it is quite impossible to revert back near to my almost original state of physical attributes. It is all too little too late and what I am doing now really is trying to stop the damage trying to get more luck that I achieved like the current major improvements by just using some of my supplements which somewhat better than using conventional drugs which are costly and has side-effects far more worse than the disease process that it is trying to treat.
I appreciate your courage and I saw that younger version of yours. I hope that everything will be gonna fine.
I miss my younger years, full of hopes and dreams although one dream went fulfilled thanks be to God.
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